Buses and Thoughts

I hated bus rides… primarily because I had a terrible motion sickness when I was a kid, which, thankfully, is not as severe now as it was before (when I was in grade school, I would usually throw up even on jeepneys and taxis). And also because I get sooo bored.

Here in Da Nang, I take the bus all the time to and from work. It’s either that or I ride my motorbike, which I sometimes do when I don’t want to sit with other people (yes, introversion at best). And it’s only been recently that I started to somehow like being on the bus… especially the one going home. It just… gives me time to think. And I really love being left alone with my thoughts. Just to be able to slowly process them as I stare out the window… watching the setting sun paint the sky beautiful hues of orange and blue… ’til it disappears into the horizon, giving way to the street lights, the moon and the stars as they take their turn to give us light.

This is probably because I had to make a HUGE decision very recently (you’ll find out soon). And there were many times when God revealed things to me while I was on the bus home. I had to pray no one sees me as I let some tears slip because I couldn’t hold them back. And then very discreetly wiped them away like nothing happened. It looked exactly like some movie scenes where the protagonist cries on the bus. Drama queen. Ha! Makes me shake my head in embarrassment every time I remember.

I’m still not very fond of bus rides… especially the really long ones. But if God uses these travel moments to make me see the path ahead of me on a clearer, much better perspective… I’ll gladly hop on one.

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Grace, purposes and unconditional love

Some days I feel like nothing much really happens. And some days it feels like the day is so packed I need to take a few steps back, go through everything that happened in my head, and write about it. Just like today (technically ‘yesterday’ by the time I finish writing this post I’m sure).

This afternoon, I realized I love how our similarities bring us together. But I love it more when our differences bring us closer. Just like in a family. We disagree. We mess up. We fight. It hurts because despite all those things, we love. Then out of that love, we forgive. Then understanding happens. Then acceptance. Then more love. And grace plays into action. And grace can be quite difficult to comprehend. Because really, who would give someone something they don’t deserve? Doesn’t make sense. And would be impossible with our own strength. But it is said:

“I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” – Philippians 4:13

Then tonight at the English club, we watched one of Nick Vujicic’s motivational talks. He talked about choosing to speak life. How little words of encouragement have such a big impact on the hearts of the people who are hurting. That it saves lives. That saying good is more badass than bullying – because it makes you a real life superhero. *Can’t believe I just came up with that line. I’m feeling like Mystique all of a sudden. Anyway… moving on~

He talked about how he loves his life because he knows who he is and his purpose. And I feel like those are two of life’s most difficult questions to answer. And the sad fact is that most people don’t know who they really are. They just know what people think of them. They don’t know what their purpose is. They just know what others want them to do.

His message was so powerful I was low-key crying in the back. It reminded me of my old self. I thought I knew who I was. I was proud. So proud. Then the things I was trying to build for myself fell right in front of my eyes. I was lost. I was broken. Then He found me and made me whole again. His unconditional love humbles me. He reminded me that what I can or can’t do don’t define me. Because my identity in Him is secured and true and will never change.

Before I end this, I just want to say, “I love you.” Yes, you. The one reading this. Whoever you are, wherever you’re from. You don’t believe me? That’s alright. I wouldn’t believe it either if some stranger just walked up to me and said, “I love you.” Weird. But you know why I actually do?

“We love because He first loved us.” – 1 John 4:19